Shneila Meathaus' Super Secret Diary

War With Delma?

2006-08-03T08:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Omigosh this is so bad. Delma just called and was like "sign into the computer I have somethign for you" and I was like "what is it?" and she was like "Shut up and sign in to the computer because there is something for you I want to send you" so I went into the computer and then she sen me this picture of her with a gun and no shirt on and the message said "Don't you wish you had titties like me well because you are so jealous I am going to KILL YOU. And stay away from my boyfriend, slut!" and I wrote back "what are you talking about? I'm not jealous of your boobs and who is your boyfriend?" and she just wrote "you are going DOWN for what you did" and then she signed out real quick and she wont pick up the phone and I don't know what to do!!!! I just locked my window and turned off the light so maybe she wont know I'm in my living room writing this on the webtv! oK I better go and check my bedroom I hope she isn't in there... I am scared for school again tomorrow, I don't know why I made her mad?

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Cool Art Project

2006-08-01T19:13:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Look at this Diary I made this really cool piece of art today:

I love how it came out! I wanted to make my own sort of prince charming you know like in Pinoccio? But this prince charming would be more modern I guess, like have current facial hair styles and be more totally fashionable. I can't believe that I could do it this good maybe I can be an artist after all! I thougth for a while like when I was 11 maybe I wanted to be an artists and draw in computers and stuff. But then I thought more about hair products after that.

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Okay Total Crush Time!

2006-08-01T11:37:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

So where did I leave you last? Oh yeah when I got home on Friday I saw that Randy was out at his back-wax appointment (I know cuase he had me call in and set it up for him). So I ran to the bedroom door to replace the photos I took... but the door was still locked! And I got scared because I thought maybe he was home still and didn't go to the appointment! So I sort of listened at the door quietly, and I thought I heard somethign move for a second, but then it was quiet.So I like waited for like 10 minutes just to make sure absolutely no one was there and I used my library card to push open the locked door thing. So I went in, and there was no one ther but there was this incense burning in a bucket and thought that was crazy to leave something burning while you were getting your back waxed down at the Super-Center, but then I noticed the window was open and I got real scared becasue I think someone was just there and they jumped out the window! I have no idea what is going on in there but it is getting scarrier evey day!

So I put the photos back in the scanner and I found Chaz's Mom's picture and I took that and got out of there cause I didn't even want to stay and look around in case there were more people in there hiding! So I went in my room and locked the door until dinner.

And then at dinner I thought Randy was looking at me funny but I couldn't really tell cause sometimes his trick eye kind of drifts and plus he jsut got fake-tan and so he was really orange and so I tried not to look his way. But he was really friendly with mom and kept whispering stuff to her that made her giggle and touching her butt! I kind of felt weird about it because I know they are so in love but I felt weird anyways.

Things were more normal again on this weekend because mom and Randy kind of went out together for most of the time and I had swimming practice down at the school and omigosh I think I have a new crush! I love going swimming now because our replacement swim teacher Mr. Plumdowski is so cool and funny and I really like his hair style and we talk about hair products! Here is a pic I took of him on my cell:

Okay I love you Dairy, more later!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Randy Pisses Me Off!

2006-07-28T08:16:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Okay Diary, so like I said before Randy is working from home now I think he got a job off the internet or something because he is totally using all our bandwidth all day all the time in the other room and he moved the computer into the bedroom and locked the door so I don't know what he does for money but whatever. And then during the day he has all these weird people come over and go in there while mom is at work and then they leave before she comes home. The piont is that I had to get our old 286 Tandy out of the crawlspace and hook it up to the old webTV box and I didn't really know what I was doing but Chaz called and he told me where to put all the connections and it actually works! So I can write in my diary again now even though stupid Randy moved the computer and uses it all day and night.

But that's not why I mad at him totally. I'm mad at him because this morning I was like "Hey dad--- I mean Randy, I need to get my homework files off of the computer" and he was like, "No way I am using that computer for business, you've got the old 286 hooked up to the TV out here" and I was like "yeah I know but it doesn't print, or save, or have a hard dive, and anyway my homework files from last week were on that computer in the bedroom when you took it in there for work." And then my mom came in and heard that part and was like "Randy, let her get her files it's for school" and so he couldn't deny me my homework then. So he was like "Okay be quick and don't mess around on there I have all my work files on there."

So I went into their bedroom and I remembered when I saw the scanner that I wanted to give Chaz's mom back the photo of her that I scanned and I thought maybe it was in there so i opened it up an instread there were these weird polaroids so I took them because I had to hurry but wanted to look at them some more! And now I am at the library writing this and I scanned in the pictures but I realized now that Randy will probably notice I took them and I 'll be introuble later... but maybe I can sneek them back into the scanner tonight and he wont have checked it.

Anyway the pictures are kind of scary and I don't know what Randy is doing in there but they were definitely taken in the bedroom and so I'm kind of scared now to be at ome when Randy is there and mom isn't! Here are the pictures:

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Tea time!

2006-07-26T10:56:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Well I love summer 4 sure, Diary! It is so much fun to not have regular school and only have summer school. We even will get a short break coming up soon where Mom and Randy and I can all go on vacation! I think they are taking me this time.

Last night I went to Chaz's house for dinner and his mom brought out the old family photo album and we looked at all thephotos of their family. They are so beautiful! Anyway Chaz's mom showed us a picture of her when she was a young woman only about 5 years older then me! She was very pretty and having some tea at a wedding reception or something. She said why don't we have tea now, and I said sure becuase I thought we were having the mix kind which is my favorite, but she brought out a whole platter with tea and little fancy cups and crackers and stuff it was a lot of fun but Chaz got bored with having tea and went to play with his dolls. I told his mom she looked so beautiful and she was so pleased she let me have the picture! Here it is, I'm going to give it back to her now that I scanned it, I don't think she knew I could do that but I don't want to take it from her forever!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

They warned us about creeps!

2006-07-18T18:53:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Wow diary, I am so glad to be here safe in my room writing in you. I turned off all my instant messenger things and myspaces and friendstars and googlemaps and all the stuff where people can find me! I was scared, diary. Omigosh I think I have sweat stains I was so scared!

So I was coming home from school and there were these kids over by the Wawa and I was like hey that's cool they are just hanging out by the alley way there I am going to get a pretzel. And then this one kid followed me into the Wawa and I thought well ok he's going to go and get a slurpie or something, but then he starts followong me around am I'm like, that's weird. So I went over to the beauty display and hung around at the products and looked for new nose oil and another tin of hair resin cause I thought that would make him go away cause boys hate that stuff. But he just stood there and got closer and closr until I just screamed "back-off" and ran out of there and he just started laughing at me and chased me outside! But then all his friends came out from the alley and surrounded me and made me walk with them away from the store to an abandoned lot across the street where the old fish market used to be.

And they were all laughing at me and poked my tits with sticks and it hurt! And then the two boys who must have been in charge came over and made fun of me and spit on the ground near my feet. Then they were like, "We're gonna take pictures of you for the internet!" and I was like "no way!" And they said they had a website and teh got over 100 hits a month and they would make me a local celebrity! And I was so scared and I thought they were going to murder me! So the the smaller boy was like, "lemme take a polaroid of your tits" and I started to cry but then I thought of a way to get out of there... I was like, "Okay I'll let you take a picture of my tits for the internet but only if you let me take your picture fisrt" and they were like, OK! cause they wanted me to model for their website so I took his polaroid and snapped a picture of the two kids who were in charge and smashed his camera on the ground and pushed him and ran! No one could believe that I smashed his camera I thnk and that's why they didn't chase me! But I am so scared to go outside or on the internet cause I know they are on the internet on their website! And I still have the picture I snaped of them cause I stuffed it in my pants right as I ran away and now the cops or my parents will know who murdered me by this photo if they do! Oh I better go to bed I'll write more soon... if I'm alive!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Gramma and Granpa!

2006-07-13T12:30:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Omigosh it is so cool I got to see Gramma and Granpa yesterday! I hardly ever get to see them because they are dad's parents and they totally hate mom like dad does too because of all the things he told them but they still love me! But I only get to see them during oktoberfest season or when they have the big beer stein convention downtown and I can go visit them at their beer stein booth. They totally love beer steins and and Gramma hand paints her own and they sell them and it is so much fun to drink juice or whatever out of them sometimes.

So anyways I got to visit and here are some great pictues I got of Granpa during the talent show:

And here is Gramma serving up some beers:

Okay I'll write soon again, I promise!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

CRAZY Weekend

2006-07-11T08:41:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Omigosh Diary, what a crazy weekend. When did I write in you last? So this is what happened:

So Friday: I woke up and I went into classes at school and Delma was there and Sheggie and Lamond and all the kids as usual, but this time Chaz wasn't in class and I was totally wondering where the heck he was because we had a test that day on math and geography (well it was a quiz for geography not a full on test). So I was studying really hard the night before and I thought Chaz was too and that's why we didn't hang out or talk on the phone. But it turns out that Chaz was down the creek trying to catch salamanders and someone's golfball hit him right in the temple and he passed out! And then he fell into the creek and washed downstream until he clogged up the drainage tube near Main Street and he totally could have died there cause he was passed out and most of his face was under water but then this creepy old guy found him and dragged him out of the water!

But it turns out this old guy was crazy and didn't remember where he lived anyway and had been hiding out in the woods for a week already and eating locusts and berries and so he dragged Chaz back to the woods and stuffed him in a hollow tree! I wonder what he was going to do with him Chaz thinks he was gonna eat him but I think maybe he was gonna use him for firewood. Anyways so Chaz wakes up and sees the old guy sleeping next to the tree and so he runs! By this time the police were looking for him and they found him down on Main Street on his way back home and this was already like Saturday morning at 4am or something. The doctors say he probably has brain damage but he seems the same to me.

So yeah Saturday I couldn't hang out with Chaz cause the police and doctors were talking with him all weekend and so I just tried out some new products I got at the Wawa. I got cream cheese cream (it is totally big in Europe I think) for my brows and elbows and I got glitter gelatin for my nose and neck and I got these totally cute scrunchies for my side and back pony-tails and the front one too.

Sunday was kind of boring except that I decided to prank call Delma to get back at her for what she said to me about my hair and so I called her house but only her brother picked up and he is such a jerk he knew it was me right away even thought I said it was the pet store calling to coonfirm drop off of an elephant (totally funny prank), and he was like, "Delma says you have so many scabs on your butt from farting that actually your butt is just scabs and that is why it is so big and lumpy", and I just said "Shut UP NERD!" and hung up and now I am playing hooky from summer school today because I don't want to hear it from Delma and all those sluts today so I decided to go to the library and use their computers for writing this. Okay, well I better go back to the bus stop and pretend I am coming home from school soon, I don't want Randy to find out I skipped (he works at home now all day. It is soooo lame.) Ok more later!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Summertime Reflections

2006-07-06T07:43:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

That superskank Delma she did it again! So last night she called up because she didn't see me in summer school and she was like, "Why weren't you in school?" and I told her about my meat holiday and how I felt sick from too many hot dogs and she was like, "Good cause that's what I told everyone at school was that you were out sucking hot dogs all day and by that I mean weiners!" and I was llike, "OHMYGOD Delma you did not tell everyone that!", and she said "yeah I told everyone that you were out because you were a whore!" and then I couldn't take that any more so I told her I'd call her back later.

Chaz told me I should write out my feelings in poems because that is the language of lovers and poets and I said, "Of course it is the language of poets." and he looked upset andthen he didn't show me his poems.

Summertime Reflections, By Shneila

The Dawn, it cometh, relentless, unending
warm up my toes
The summer spirits fly on the wind
Mother Earth, woman of substence
my flowers are ready to blossom
let them forth!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Meat Holiday

2006-07-05T13:29:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Wowowowow I'm calling today my meat holiday because I ate too much yesterday and I got to stay home from summer school today so it is my meat holday! I luv my mobile look at this cool shot of the meat case at the market yesterday before we bought *most of it* LOL!

Just kidding we could never afford all that but Mom did get some ground beef and weiners and I got my favorite brand of yellow mustard EVER, which is FMV or to put it long-ways For Maximum Value. Chaz makes fun of me for it but I mean he likes Frenchs so what's he got to brag about I mean because Randy totally hates the French and since he moved in we haven't had that brand at all! We also couldn't buy Philadelphia brand cream cheese any more because Randy totally hates the Eagles and is a Cowboys fan 100%, which I find kind of annoying because I don't care about football and I actually LIKED Phialdelphia brand cream cheese and unlinke the mustard, the For Maximum Value cream cheese is kind of icky.

Speaking of For Maximum Value here is like my fave pic of Kid EVER! Oh and I gotta run I think Delma is calling me on my smell phone!

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Recovery

2006-07-04T09:49:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Hapy 4th of JuLY!

Well I am a little grooggy right now I can't see the keys very wekll buttr luckilly I am,n a master "touch typest" I have a blue ribbon from summer school that sayd so! *lol* Here is the chart my doctors gave me, Ithin the operation went very Ok which is good. The doctor said my head loooked like 'figure VI' when I came in, but too the side, and now it looks more like 'figure III Vertex' but to the side and I should just comb-over the new hair he transplanted from my armpits to that area and evreythin should look great., plus I totally know the right hair products to sjmooth out the look no problem! Wow what a busy July 4th weekend it has been. Well tonight we are havin a BBQ at home I think so I better start greasing up my comb over.

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Jello Nerves!

2006-07-03T14:09:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Wow technology is so cool! I am in the waiting room at the hospital right now and I am "blogging" from my cell phone or like Chaz calls it, his "smelly phone" *LOL*!

Anyways I just wanted to let you know that I am sooo nervous right now. I don't like getting operated on AT ALL but I know it has to happen to replace the side of my scalp that was flayed off on the Rowdy Railroad and by gosh I know I would totally miss that side of my scalp if I didn't get it put back on. But I sure would save a bit on hair products ha ha!

Randy took me downtown to this really good specialist hospital, I think he took me here last time when I had most of my face peeled off when it got caught in that industrial strength sprinkler down at the pee-wee softball field... ugh! That was such a drag. I don't remember that much from that visit because I think my eyes might have been in the part of my face that got caught in the sprinkler, but anyways this time I can see everything and it is pretty cool here. I am in the waiting room like I said and here is a little shot I just took on my camera phone (so cool!) of some complicated medical models they have on display here:

Okay! They are calling my name. Wish me luck diary! I am going in for my scalp attachment.

Love, Shniela Meathaus

Dingleberry Park was SO MUCH FUN!

2006-07-02T23:39:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Okay, so just a quick note because I just got back from the threee hour drive from Dingleberry Park with Chaz's family and Chaz of course and it was so much fun but I am so tired right now! I went on the roller coaster 3 times in a row until Chaz puked in the trash can and we had to stay on the kids rides until he felt better. The only part that sucked was when I was on the Rowdy Railroad and we came around the bend and some of my hair wrapped around a support pole and sort of flayed off the side of my scalp and that really REALLY hurt and I was crying and they had to airlift me to the emergency room! But they found most of my scalp tissue it was still dangling from the pole above the pond (the Rowdy Railroad goes over the pond), but anyways they totally are going to sew my scalp back on probably tomorrow I guess, and tonight I'll just sleep on the other side of my head and hop to not toss and turn too much in bed.

Oh before I forget here is a awesome pic of a man I met at Dingleberry Park (before the Rowdy Railroad!) whose name was Olaf and I think he was German or Cuban or something and said he loved my body and how it looked! I was sooo flattered but I think Chaz was jealous.. haha just kidding. Chaz isn't much of the having a girlfriend type and we are totally just friends. Okay well I have to go to bed now and I guess get up early for my operation so wish me luck!

Love, Shniela Meathaus

Mom and Randy! (cute picture)

2006-07-01T13:05:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Haha I was just cleaning out the rec-room in the basement and I found this totally cute picture of mom and Randy when they went to Cabo last year! I was soooo jealous they got to go on vacation. I guess I understand that someone had to stay here and you know, get the newspapers in from the curb and mail and stuff, and feed the hermit crabs (Mr. Sniffles and Mrs. Clambake! Hi little guys!), but yeah, anyway it *WAS* kind of lonely here all by myself those couple of weeks. But I didn't come here to complain I just wanted to save this picture here because I really love it and I think it is a really positive example for me to look up to, you know? Like in such a hard world, with so much saddness, and so many people breaking up families, you know, there can be true love after all. Well, I mean of course mom and dad broke up, but now mom really found love with Randy and that is sooooooo coool! Ok, gotta get back to it.

Love, Shniela Meathaus

I cried!

2006-07-01T11:06:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

Ok so first, two things:

One, me mom and Randy just got back from Denny's and I totally pigged out on a Slam! I mean, mom tells me how they used to have Grand Slams for $1.99 and those were the good old days and I just can't believe it. I mean how could you charge only $1.99 for two of everything??? Well, OK, I think they are having a deal and the new one has triple the meat. So I ordered because I guess I am so thrifty you know? I wanted to get the most fro our money. So I ate the whole thing and Randy was really impressed. I almost slipped and called Randy "dad" once, you know to try it out but he shushed me. Mom was like, "darling you know Daddy is still your dad, and Randy, well Randy is our special friend and let's just keep it that way OK toots?." I felt a little carsick on the way home but Randy cracked the back wondow for me (the controls are STILL stuck on child-safety!) and that let some of the smoke out which helped.

OK and Two, well last night I had the worst sleep ever! After what Delma said to me on the phone still can't believe it! Well after what she said to me on the phone I just practically cried myself to sleep after writing my last entry. But then I couldn't sleep! I kept thinking of all the things I should have said back to her, like, "Well Delma you should talk about hair since yours is so thin and blonde it looks like Randy's back hair!" or like, "Delma I don't care what you say because you totally made out with Dreynold Whitley in the bushes next to the gym last year and that is soooo gross because I bet he has an STD!".

Okay well I have to go get ready for the rest of my Saturday now, I've got some sumer-school homework and a ton of chores left to do by tonight because tomorrow I am going to the amusement park with Chaz!!!! Oh yeah and I got to take a bath too.

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Delma is a SUPER-SKANK!

2006-06-30T20:31:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

omigosh I can't believe what just happened! I totally would have talked to Chaz about this right now but his mom said that he was in bed way early cause it was taco night and he ate three tarquitas and a mexiburglette all in 10 minutes! haha what a pig and he sure deserves to feel sick if that is what is happening but anyways, so yeah, Delma calls me up like 20 minutes ago and she says "You can't use Salisbury Gloss ointment on your hair because you hair is totally kinky and ratty", and then I was like, "What do you mean ratty? My hair is really manageable and besides, I cut out the split ends and yeah maybe it is a little curly on the top and wavy on the sides but that's what the ointment's for!". And she just said "well you could use some ointment for your boobs too maybe that would help them grow strong and luxurious like your hair is supposedly going to"!!!!!!

I can't believe she said that to me I mean my time will come soon just because my boobs are not like that big or anything yet doesn't mean anything. I mean I saw Chaz looking at them once but then he looked away, but I know they are totally desirable to guys and I know one day I will have a boyfriend who loves me no matter what. Oh, I wish he was here with me now...

Here is a picture of me from freshman year, my hair looks totally cute then!

Okay, enough for tonight. I'll write again this weekend.

Love, Shneila Meathaus

Hair Product Alert!

2006-06-30T17:36:00.000-07:00

Dear Diary,

I LOOOOVE fashion! I love going to the Hair Cuttery to get a discount cut and I always check out the latest fashion style books they have laying around for great ideas for my next awesome cut. Last year I decided to hop aboard the hat-hair trend and got a really fashionable painter's-cap hair weave.

Sometimes I see whole families coming in for matching cut-jobs! My stylist is very creative and very fast!

I forget to get a trim every now and then because life is so busy, you know? School, and homework and chores and my totally annoying family are quite the full plate, plus gravy.... And dessert!

After my top lid hair starts getting caught in the upper cheek hair I know it is time for an appointment at the 'cuttery.

Right now I'm feeling so totally great about my current cut that I went ahead and knitted a fun cozy for it to rest in during "off-hours" when I don't want to show it off to all the boys at school and make Delma jealous! hahaha

I'm so excited thinking about it right now that I just have to get off this computer and go try out my latest hair salves that I got at Wawa today. I've got a linseed oil/ petrolatum mix and a Salisbury Gloss ointment to try. My locks are my one true vise, I know it! Ok, I'll write more to you later after dinner.